Where has this woman been my whole life?!

I don't know how I haven't stumbled across this lovely blog before, but I'm glad I am now. The blog is from Michelle @fatnutrisionist. She explains so much about food and weight so clearly. I love what she said about Normal Eating. Here is an excerpt. "Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life." Check out her blog at www.fatnutritionist.com

You are more BEAUTIFUL than YOU think.

I have been thinking about this video for awhile now and I watched it again tonight. I know that I am my harshest critic. What others see is not what I see and I think many women, and men too, don't see that they are beautiful. Truly and completely beautiful! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U

I work with young women around the age of 16 to 18 years of age. What am I teaching them if I don't believe what I am saying to them? I am working to change may negative mindset about myself and I hope in doing so I can help others feel better about themselves too.

Dove's Campaign for Real Beauty provides all kinds of great videos and information about our misperseptions about beauty and ways that we can help improve our own idea of beauty as well as those we can influence. Check it out at http://www.dove.us/Social-Mission/campaign-for-real-beauty.aspx

I want to believe

I really appreciate the support from my friends and family. I wish that all of your support for me would translate into weight loss, but I realize that no one can lose weight for me. I have to do the work. Simple but true. Everyday I need to celebrate the steps I make in the right direction. I need to stop the negative self talk. It has to stop. Today I ate healthy for the first half of the day. True that it was only the first half of the day, but I will be grateful for that one step in the right direction. Someone posted this on Facebook the other day and it truly resonated with me. I don't believe in my own beauty, it doesn't matter what others say about me. Good or bad I have to believe I am beautiful just as I am. If I don't believe in myself I will never know true beauty. 

This is super frustrating!

I started working out this last week. Circuit training with weights. It is so hard! I like that I'm sore because it feels like it is working, but it also puts me in a very crummy mood. I think my problem is I don't handle the least bit of pain very well. I don't handle physical pain well and I especially don't handle emotional pain well. It feels like I'm in a battle with my negative self talk. I run this dialog subconsciously through my head...you're not good enough, you have too much weight to loose, it doesn't matter if you do because you will always be flawed. I feel like everyone can see my self-loathing; it is 100 extra pounds that I am literally dragging around with me. This weight I carry around with me is a physical manifestation of all my emotional pain. I feel guilty for feeling depressed. I have not experienced huge loss, I'm lucky to have the life I do, so it feels wrong when I want more. Everyday I'm fighting a battle inside and some days the positive fun-loving gal is winning and sometimes the sad girl is winning. It's especially challenging to loose this weight when it is not just about having more will power. I'm overwhelmed by how much I need to loose to be at a healthy weight. I can't believe I'm posting this whine-fest. But it is my truth right now. There are some things that were great about this week, I did spend more time with my sister-in-law and good friends. I heard a new, uplifting song from Sara Bareilles called BRAVE. Google it if you haven't heard it already. I guess it's brave to share my real feelings, so there's that.

What we see is deceiving.

If Barbie were a real woman she would be 6ft tall, weight 101 lbs. and be a size 4 dress size. The average store mannequin is also 6 ft tall and a size 6. Fashion models are 5'9" to 5'11", weight 105 to 115 lbs, and wear a size 2-4.

The average woman is 5'4", weights 145 lbs, and wears a size 14.

Less than 1% of the US population fits the media portrayed image of beauty. This is what we face daily in the media.

What I learned from Cinderella

"Standards of beauty are arbitrary. Body shame exists only to the extent that our physiques don't match our own beliefs about how we should look." ~ Martha Beck.
Now the question is what do we believe we should look like? And where do those beliefs come from? I think these beliefs begin very early. At least for me they began early on. We hear comments like "what a beautiful little girl, she has such gorgeous eyes"...and if we are pretty than we must be nice people, we will always succeed. Just look at Cinderella, she was suffering under the tyrannical reign of her hideous step mother and ugly step sisters. Stuck as their personal slave. Thus, ugly=mean and pretty=kind. In spite of her cruel step family Cinderella remains sweet and kind. Then she is freed from this oppression by a prince and not just any prince, a handsome prince. Now that she is rescued she lives happily ever after. This sets the precedence for us that good things come to beautiful people. You don't have to do anything except wait for rescue. I think this truly is the belief of a large part of society. Look at all the beautiful celebrities, they are practically worshiped for their appearance. Gratefully, now we get to decide what beauty is for ourselves. Luckily, as we mature so does our understanding of real beauty. What does real beauty look like to you?

That explains it!

This you tube video made so much sense to me and falls in line with what my Psychiatrist has been talking to me about. Thought I would share the wealth. :)The Science of Appetite

Liberated from fear!

That is what all of you have you have done for me. I feel liberated from the fear of what others might think of my actual feelings. It feels honest and I thank you all for receiving it so kindly. I'm reminded of a quote from Marianne Williams "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear as that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God! Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us. It's not just in some of us it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear our presence automatically liberates others."

Concerning Sara: Preview "Thin Models"

Concerning Sara: Preview "Thin Models"http://www.blisstree.com/2012/08/23/beauty-shopping/skinny-doesnt-sell

Thin Models

So, this blog is about to take a turn, hopefully for the better, but I can't make any promises. I guess it doesn't matter because really it's just more of a therapy thing for me. I have obsessed about my appearance and weight in some way or another as most women do, but I'm sick of the shame and guilt surrounding my own weight so I want to write about it. I think that it's something that most women I know can relate to and I want to share my journey with you. I read that most people would rather date a drug addict than someone who is overweight. Really?! Rather date a drug addict! In general (and I don't think I am being overly harsh in my assessment), drug addicts can be real assholes; selfish, narcissistic, and manipulative. The majority of people would rather have THAT than someone who is overweight! WOW! Here's the thing, it's not that people aren't wonderful to me and tell me I'm beautiful. I have that, thanks to wonderful friends and family. It's just that society is screaming pretty loudly the complete opposite. I don't want this blog to be a bitch-fest, just want to share some insights into the Obese Obsessed Roller Coaster. I know there are far worse things to struggle with, but this is mine and maybe someone out there can relate. Maybe we as a society can change the way we approach the overweight person. Today I read this article online. They are starting to do touch up's on skinny models to make them look more curvy. I thought this was interesting...in one way this is good, but they can't hire women who actually look this way? Maybe that is the way things will go now. What do you think?