This is super frustrating!

I started working out this last week. Circuit training with weights. It is so hard! I like that I'm sore because it feels like it is working, but it also puts me in a very crummy mood. I think my problem is I don't handle the least bit of pain very well. I don't handle physical pain well and I especially don't handle emotional pain well. It feels like I'm in a battle with my negative self talk. I run this dialog subconsciously through my head...you're not good enough, you have too much weight to loose, it doesn't matter if you do because you will always be flawed. I feel like everyone can see my self-loathing; it is 100 extra pounds that I am literally dragging around with me. This weight I carry around with me is a physical manifestation of all my emotional pain. I feel guilty for feeling depressed. I have not experienced huge loss, I'm lucky to have the life I do, so it feels wrong when I want more. Everyday I'm fighting a battle inside and some days the positive fun-loving gal is winning and sometimes the sad girl is winning. It's especially challenging to loose this weight when it is not just about having more will power. I'm overwhelmed by how much I need to loose to be at a healthy weight. I can't believe I'm posting this whine-fest. But it is my truth right now. There are some things that were great about this week, I did spend more time with my sister-in-law and good friends. I heard a new, uplifting song from Sara Bareilles called BRAVE. Google it if you haven't heard it already. I guess it's brave to share my real feelings, so there's that.